A521.4.3.RB_LarsonKurt, Subtleties of Communication and Hidden Messages

A521.4.3.RB_LarsonKurt, Subtleties of Communication and Hidden Messages

McKay, Davis, & Fanning direct our attention to nuances associated with body language, paralanguage, meta-messaging and hidden agendas.

To begin congruence is, agreement or harmony; compatibility. So incongruent messages would be mixed signals, hidden messages and extreme vagueness intended to set you up for failure or embarrassment. Non-verbal communication like body movements, facial expressions, gestures and postures and breathing are all good indicators of congruent or incongruent messaging.

As an example: good congruent messaging might be good posture indicating your audience is attentive and respectful toward you and your topic. Conversely, facial expressions like rolling the eyes or twitching might be indicators of poor listening skills, boredom or lack of desire to hear you and or your topic.

The more I present to my constituents and the more experience I obtain in the rheum of public speaking. The easier it has become to pick out incongruent messaging, and how I am able to adapt to the negative position that certain portions of an audience are expressing. I have been exposed to such incongruent messaging while conducting a meeting like poor posture and breathing, and facial expressions conveying the desire to be anywhere but at their present location. I attribute this to several things like: a general lack of concern for the topic, to a negative connotation toward myself. Either way, I have been requested to preform a service of presenting to an audience of my piers and not one or two rogue individuals.

As a stopgap of poor manners and inattention… I use the methods of Roberts Rules of Order, as a method of maintaining good attentiveness in meetings and presentations. I once took the bull by the proverbial horns during a closed-door meeting by requesting the dissenter of the group join with me in presenting the topic of the meeting and to offer any additional expertise.

Hidden agendas are a conflict of interest and a source of contention for most in government and industry. Hidden agendas can rob one of valuable time and effort by the need to address and combination of the eight hidden agendas: I’m Good, I’m Good (But your not,) your good (But I’m not,) I’m Helpless, I suffer, I’m Blameless I’m Fragile, I’m Tough or I Know It All.

Agendas serve two purposes. First, it is a coping skill for a feeling of inadequacy, and secondly, it is used as a way of promoting ulterior motives and/or needs.

Business and government in particular are famous for Meta-messages.  Meta-messages are a source of interpersonal conflict by promoting harmony and reasonableness on the outside… all the while they are creating hostility and anger on the inside. Things like rhythm and pitch, and verbal modifiers are special words utilized toward adding a degree of nuance to the meaning of a sentence. Rhythm and pitch can also be utilized to address or understand the sincerity or passion in a speakers voice, tone or inflection of their voice, otherwise known as paralanguage.

Kurt,